When I first moved to Leeds I was so worried that I’d:

a) feel very isolated
b) never find like minded people (and therefore…)
c) never make any friends

One year on, I’m as happy as a clam with a thriving social life and plenty of extra-curricular activities on the go. Not to boast, but I’m bloody loving it. If you’d have told me that on this very weekend in 2011, I’d have laughed in your face, then gone back to bed to cry. It can be hard moving to a new place where you know next to no one, it can knock your confidence and that, in turn, creates a vicious cycle. These are some ideas that helped me find my feet.

DON’T SETTLE It’s a universal truth that as you get older it gets harder to make friends. It’s easy to fall into that trap of thinking that people already have their favourites, there’s no point in trying. I’ve never before been in the position where I’ve had to worry, I’ve had situations carved out for me and I happened to find the right people: school, uni, work, they’ve all lead me to people I’ve ended up loving. When I moved to Leeds I didn’t have a job. Then I got one but I was working from home. I had no opportunity to meet new people, Matt works long hours and also has a PhD to do, I found myself being that girl I’d actively always tried not to be, with a life completely centred around her relationship. It’s important to remember that many young professionals and graduates are in a similar position in this climate, because they find themselves chasing the jobs that are available, even if those jobs are far from home. You’re not alone, but it’s so easy to fall into the trap, especially if you’re shy like I am, of thinking you are. The first thing I learned was that I couldn’t just sit back and give up if I was going to be happy. I decided to take action.

USE YOUR RESOURCES Luckily, that’s where this blogging thing came in handy. People talk about the great friends they’ve made through blogging, and I’ve never doubted their sincerity, I’ve just always thought “yeah, but you have your real friends too”. Aside from Matt’s friends, who have actually since become really great friends of my own, the only people I knew in Leeds when I got here just under a year ago were bloggers. I decided to be bold. I saw that things were happening, and I got involved, I tweeted, I emailed and I introduced myself. I got invitations to events through that initial contact and I started meeting more people.Within weeks of being here I’d met all those bloggers in person. I started going out more and feeling a lot more positive about how my life was going to go in the North. I used what I had to get myself out there. Granted, blogging makes that kind of easy, but if you’re new to a place and you’re looking for things to do, get on Twitter. With a little searching you can track down who’s who and what’s going on in the area. If you like reading, join a book club – Twitter will find one for you. If you bake, offer to bake for a local event, or join a baking group. Use what you have to get involved, even if all you can offer is time – there are plenty of opportunities to volunteer for good causes! Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there.

KEEP TRYING My point is really just to reassure those of you who may well be recent graduates, who have ended up in a place you don’t necessarily want to be, thinking *whiney voice* “Nothing good ever happens here, I don’t know anyone, I will die alone and unhappy” */whiney voice*. I moved to Leeds to be with Matt at a point when London was the centre of everything for me, it represented my adulthood, my independence, my creativity. I thought moving to Leeds there would be no one here that thinks the way I do, likes the things that I do. Looking back I realise how silly that was, all you need to do is look. As a shy girl, I found this extremely hard, but I had to be brave. Invite yourself to stuff (politely), introduce yourself to everyone you meet. If there’s someone you particularly think you have something in common with, ask if they want to go for a coffee. Believe me, this time last year, I would have cowered away from you if you’d have suggested such a thing, but in the end I just had to grow a pair. Be brave! It’ll pay off! At first I thought that I couldn’t find a friend anywhere, then I started to realise they really were everywhere, just waiting to be discovered. Sounds cheesy but it’s true. If you’re in a new city, or if you’re back in your home town after uni, look in new places. Go somewhere you haven’t been before. You’ll be amazed what you’ll discover. Most likely, there will be a whole layer of town/city you never knew was there.

PLAY THE FIELD These days I’m always doing something. I socialise a bit too much if anything. I’ve recently moved into a really lovely studio in the centre of town, packed full of creative people and companies who will hopefully become friends or possible business partners. An opportunity I, again, found on Twitter. I was proactive, and it paid off. An important thing to remember is that there are so many people out there, you don’t have to pin all your hopes on the first people you meet. Play the field, be a social butterfly for a while. Stick with it, and you’ll be fine. A perfect example of this proactivity is when I heard  was at the rotating market stall at Kirkstall Market. I went down, thinking of cupcakes, and got chatting. Turns out that Becky was starting a Cupcake Club at one of my favourite Leeds venues, so I bought a ticket. The event was a cupcake decorating class, enhanced with some lovely teapot cocktails. These are the pictures from that event:

I had such a good time at this event and it was great to talk to some people who love cake too! To show you how much good stuff you can find when you look for it, Dock Street Market was hosting a board games club, a knitting club and an origami/paper crafts club that night, as well as the Cupcake Club! People naturally gravitate towards each other and you’ll be amazed when you get out there at the amount of people in exactly the same boat as you.

REMEMBER If it really is going badly, the place you left is still there. Go for a visit, call your best friend. They may not be exactly where you want them to be anymore but they’re still there and you still mean the world to them. My friends and family were a brilliant support during my teething period in Leeds. Every time I felt a bit lonely, or I had a day off with no plans, I could give them a ring and I instantly had a new lease of enthusiasm.

Have you ever felt lonely? If so, how did you combat it? Have you ever made a clean break to a new place? What do you do to meet new people?